The Hidden Dangers of Idolising Marriage

Revealing God’s heart for relationships and experiencing freedom in everyday living.

Susan Adeyemi

1. Introduction.
2. Idols from the biblical era to modern day.
3. What is an idol?
4. The purpose of christian marriages
5. Recognising the idol in your marriage and counselling advice.
   1. The solution to seek help for a falling marriage can have 3 outcomes.
6. Checklist -Is your Relationship / Marriage an Idol?- Click to Download
7. Punishment of idolatry
8. Warning against idols
9. Call to repentance
10. Conclusion
11. Call to action.
12. Don’t miss out on our newsletters
13. Helpful Resources.
14. Related Articles in Enjoying Marriage

Introduction.

Can marriage become an idol? I write this blog post to tackle the issues people are faced with in their marriages. I also write to address the inaction of the church and religious leaders. Some, not all, ignore this epidemic that is rapidly growing in the secret places in our churches. Many church leaders are faced with the moral and spiritual obligation to take care of the wounded, helpless, and needy. However, some decide to turn a blind eye to the very reason Jesus came to earth. He didn’t come for the popular or the perfect, he came for the wounded. I address the issue of abuse in marriage and the church in a separate post.

If I had the opportunity to interview Lysa Terkeurst, Joyce Meyer, Sarah Jakes Roberts, Kris Reece, or Victoria Orenze, I assume they would share their insights. They would talk about their experiences in their earlier marriages. They could say they had a protective mindset at one point. They might express concern about others’ opinions if they left the marriage. They might focus more on these opinions than on what God was saying. They might, like many of us, prefer to please humans rather than please God.

Many christian teachers of the faith encourage believers to stay, and withhold the storms in the marriage. Unfortunately, many times, these storms may never pass. Overtime, when abuse is persistent in a marriage, it becomes less pleasing to God because of the presence of sin, a hardened heart and unrepentance.

1. Introduction.
2. Idols from the biblical era to modern day.
3. What is an idol?
4. The purpose of christian marriages
5. Recognising the idol in your marriage and counselling advice.
   1. The solution to seek help for a falling marriage can have 3 outcomes.
6. Checklist -Is your Relationship / Marriage an Idol?- Click to Download
7. Punishment of idolatry
8. Warning against idols
9. Call to repentance
10. Conclusion
11. Call to action.
12. Don’t miss out on our newsletters
13. Helpful Resources.
14. Related Articles in Enjoying Marriage

Idols from the biblical era to modern day.

In biblical times, we read of physical examples of idols like Dagon, god of the Philistines. Or the golden calf of the Israelites in the wilderness, or the baal idols in the house of Gideon. These idols are characterised as being fashioned by the hands on men. We read that they are made from wood, stone, and metals like gold and silver. They are carved and decorated. People place them in temples or on altars. Modern-day idols are far removed from biblical times.

These idols, today, have evolved into self worship and vanity. People now idolise wealth, beauty, fame, and riches. Obsessions also include food, social media followers, and material things like cars, property and the latest gadget. Prominence and positions are also idolised. On a second thought, they may not be so far from the biblical era. Even Jesus encountered temptation from Satan. Like Satan tempts men today with power and prominence, Satan tempted Jesus too. In Matthew 4:3-11, Jesus was tempted with positions, prosperity, and worldly riches after he fasted for 40 days and nights.

What is an idol?

Idols are objects that are not God but are worshiped as though they are. According to Ezekiel 14:3, idols can be set up in the heart and they cause men to stumble. Here, the Lord spoke to prophet Ezekiel. Some of the elders of Israel came to sit before the prophet. They wanted to inquire of the Lord. He said “these men have set up their idols in their hearts, and put before themselves. Idols which causes them to stumble into iniquity”.

Idols can also be raised in physical objects. Isaiah 2:20 tells us that ” in that day, men will throw away to the moles and to the bats. Their idols of silver and their idols of gold, which they made for themselves [as objects] to worship. Paul also wrote in Romans 1:23. He admonished unrighteousness. He mentioned that these idol worshipers “changed the glory of God to man, birds, animals and creeping things”.

Idolatry is a sin and God hates it.

The purpose of christian marriages

Did it ever cross your mind that idols can also be raised up in the heart? the pride of life, for example your marriage?. People in the world see marriage as a status symbol of influence, position and respect. In the kingdom of heaven, it is not so. Marriage is an assignment, an institution ordained by God to show the glory of heaven here on earth. It is a military vehicle to show the gospel of Jesus Christ to a lost world. It is not a ring or just a wedding ceremony. Instead, it should be ground to cultivate and raise up Godly offspring. These offspring would propagate the gospel of Jesus to a dying world.

We have been called the salt of the earth. What good is a salt if it no longer preserves but looses it saltiness. It is not better than to be thrown out and trampled on. Marriage is not a status symbol for our own selfish desires or ambitious needs. It is a status symbol of heaven reflecting on the earth. It should be taken as a symbol to show the glory of God on earth. People should want to always visit your home because they feel the presence, anointing, aura and peace of God once they step through your doors. They should want to visit your home because as soon as they walk in, healing takes place. Miracles happen, the glory of God overshadows their countenance. This is what I want for my marriage and I believe should be the wish of any christian home.

Recognising the idol in your marriage and counselling advice.

Scripture reference: 1 John 2:16 AMP "For all that is in the world- the lust and sensual craving of the flesh and the lust and longing of the eyes and the boastful pride of life [pretentious confidence in one's resources or in the stability of earthly things]- these do not come from the Father, but are from the world.

A marriage plays a vital role in the kingdom of God, and it’s concerning when it may begin to drift away from this purpose. If you notice signs of this, such as feeling disconnected from fellow believers, not praying together, or rarely engaging in Bible study, it’s important to acknowledge these feelings. Skipping church and avoiding accountability can lead to a sense of isolation that no couple wants to experience. If this resonates with you, please consider seeking professional and spiritually guided counseling, as long as there is no abuse present. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone, and support is available.

Marital counselling in an abusive relationship can be quite challenging, as it may inadvertently give the abusive partner additional means to manipulate or perpetuate harmful behaviors. It’s important to prioritize the safety and well-being of all individuals involved, ensuring that support comes from a place that recognizes and addresses the complexities of such situations. Please refer to the resources for further help and christian counselling.

The solution to seek help for a falling marriage can have 3 outcomes.

Scenario 1: When both partners in a marriage are open to seeking help, recognizing the importance of change for their relationship to flourish, it creates a hopeful environment. This is the ideal situation where marital counseling is truly encouraged, offering support and guidance as they work together to enhance their bond.

In Scenario 2, when one partner in the union is reaching out for help while the other remains unresponsive to the destructive dynamics of their relationship, it is essential for the seeking partner to prioritize their well-being. If their spouse is unwilling to engage, they can find support and guidance through an external biblical and professional counselor, ensuring that they receive the care and understanding they deserve during this challenging time.

Scenario 3: In a situation where both partners have closed off their hearts and are hesitant to seek help, it’s important to remember that reaching out for support is a courageous step. It may be beneficial for each individual to consider counseling with compassionate professionals who are not directly connected to their lives. Our heartfelt prayer is that the Lord brings healing and renewal to this relationship, guiding them toward understanding and reconciliation.

There is a heartfelt sense of hope for positive change in scenario 1. In scenario 2, we may find ourselves confronting two possible paths: one that leads to reconciliation, allowing a return to the hopeful space of scenario 1, or the other that results in a painful breakdown, transitioning to scenario 3. The potential outcome heavily depends on the willingness of the hardened spouse to recognize the precarious circumstances surrounding their marriage. Unfortunately, scenario 3 presents a grim reality with little hope for transformation, especially if only one person is committed to nurturing the relationship. It is vital, however, for both partners to place their trust in God for healing and reconciliation. For additional support and guidance, please refer to the resources for further help and Christian counseling.

Checklist -Is your Relationship / Marriage an Idol?– Click to Download

Click to Download the Checklist HERE

• A marriage becomes an idol when it no longer seeks to glorify God but seeks to glorify the flesh.
• It becomes an idol when both parties refuse to stand up for the truth of the word of God in their home. They follow the downward path of sin.
• It becomes an idol when God reveals the backslidden state of the marriage to the believing spouse. The spouse chooses to walk with God, but they are not bold enough to stand up for the truth.
• It becomes an idol when the spouse that God counts on chooses to turn a blind eye to sin, rebellion, pride, arrogance and infidelity.
• It becomes an idol when they listen to the voice of man to stay in a toxic and abusive environment. They must take a bold step to prayerfully seek God’s face on the matter.
• It becomes an idol when it becomes a thing of convenience to stay. We are used to the material benefits, social status, prominent positions, and accolades of man. We focus on these rather than yielding to the heart of God.
• It becomes an idol when we treat our spouse with grace repeatedly. We forgive their reckless behaviors and allow bad sinful behaviors. These behaviors could harm us physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially, and spiritually.
• It becomes an idol when we choose our relationship with this person over our relationship with God.
• It becomes an idol when we stop fellowshipping with believers. We do this to accommodate the unrealistic expectations of our spouse to be with them.
• It becomes an idol when we give up our place of fellowship with God. We do this to fulfill the desires and needs of our spouse.
• It becomes an idol when we allow ourselves to be manipulated and controlled by another human being. They require us to treat them as perfect and unflawed, like God.
• It becomes an idol when we give up everything to obey. We respect, honor, and follow them. We neglect our own needs, wants, and desires.
• Worse still, a marriage becomes an idol when we constantly ignore the call of the Holy Spirit. We overlook the pull of the Holy Spirit to fellowship with us.

Punishment of idolatry

Idols of the heart- Ezekiel 14:4 The Lord spoke to prophet Ezekiel about the elders that worship idols in their hearts but come to the prophet to hear from the Lord. "Therefore speak to them, and say to them, 'Thus says the Lord God: "Everyone of the house of Israel who sets up his idols in his heart, and puts before him what causes him to stumble into iniquity, and then comes to the prophet, I the Lord will answer him who comes, according to the multitude of his idols". 

Why did God instruct the prophet in Ezekiel 14:4-5? that he will answer these elders of Israel Himself? so “that I may seize the house of Israel by their heart, because they are all estranged from Me by their idols”. God was going to answer each person that sought Him directly, according to the multitude of their idols. He was going to let them hear what they wanted to hear, which in this case, was not necessarily the truth.

Paul writes to the Romans in Roman 1:18 – 24. He tells them that the wrath of God is revealed against those who are ungodly and unrighteous. That even though these people knew God, by His display of power and majesty, they chose not to glorify God out of their prideful hearts. They changed the glory of God into an image like man, animals and creeping things. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshipped and served idols.

Therefore, God gave them to their foolishness, uncleanness and the lust of their hearts. He gave them over to a debased mind. They did things which are not fitting. They were filled with unrighteousness, sexual immorality, and wickedness. They exhibited covetousness, maliciousness, envy, and murder. Their behavior included strife, deceit, and evil-mindedness. They showed violence, pride, and rebellion. They lacked discernment, reliability, and love. They were unforgiving and unmerciful.

Simply put, the consequences of idolatry can lead to irreparable destitution. Apostasy or the abandonment of faith or belief.

Warning against idols

In 1 Corinthians 10:14, Paul was writing to the church at Corinth about idolatry. In verse 14, he admonishes the church to awaken to the reality of communion with idols. The amplified version puts it quite simply “Therefore, my beloved, run [keep far, far away] from [any sort of] idolatry [and that includes loving anything more than God, or participating in anything that leads to sin and enslaves the soul].

The previous paragraph, which is an extract from Paul’s warning to the church at Corinth really emphasises the actions a true believer should take to flee from mingling with idol practices. When we read further along in verses 15 – 21, Paul explains that as believers, we cannot eat from the same table as Christ as we eat of food that has also been sacrified to idols. Verses 16 & 17 states that though we (all believers) are many, become one by partaking in the bread of the holy communion. We become one in Christ and form the church, the body of Christ.

Likewise, verse 20 explains that the thing the unbelievers sacrifice are to demons and not God. Therefore, since we are wise (v.15), it is foolishness to partake in anything sacrificed to demons because you fellowship with demons and become one with them. When believers sit at both the table of fellowship with God and demons, we provoke God to anger. We invoke the same fate that the children of Israel faced in the wilderness.

1 Corinthians 10: 6 & 11 helps us to understand that the fate of the Israelite generation that were disobedient in the wilderness to lust after evil desires, keep idols, commit adultery and complain were given to us as an example for our admonition. There is no wisdom in repeating the mistakes of the past. As believers, we should refrain from idol worship because it provokes the anger of God and invokes God’s judgment upon us (1 Corinthians 10:22 and Ezekiel 14:8).

Call to repentance

We read earlier about God’s instruction to prophet Ezekiel. God later instructed the prophet to speak to the house of Israel to repent, turn away from their idols and repent. God never misses a chance to call us back to repentance.

God is patient and abounding in love and mercy. Unfortunately, when we refuse to heed His warnings about the idols in our hearts, he will give us over to false lying spirits. In I Kings 22:7-23, we read about the King of Israel (Ahab) making a pact with the King of Judah’s (Jehoshapat) for his desire to take Ramoth Gilead from the King of Syria. However, before proceeding to battle, king Ahab inquires of the prophets in Israel, as is normal practice. About 400 prophets gathered together and they all chorused that he should go into battle for the Lord has delivered it into his hands. We later read that king Jehoshaphat of Judah, asked to inquire of one more prophet of the Lord for instruction to go to battle.

King Ahab hated the prophet Michaiah because he ‘does not prophesy good concerning me’. We find out in verse 20 – 22 that a lying demon spirit volunteered to enter the mouths of the 400 prophets to speak lies to king Ahab of Israel. And the Lord permitted it so that king Ahab might fall in Ramoth Gilead. Ahab fell as a result of sparing Ben Hadad, king of Syria, and making a treaty him (1 Kings 20:34). Although King Ahab was ordered to kill him because he blasphemed the Lord (1Kings 20:28).

King Ahab had a choice to follow the one true God of his fathers but he decided to idolise his marriage to Jezebel. He tolerated her behaviours and idol practices. He even followed her in the worship of idols by setting up an altar for Baal, in the temple of Baal which he built in Samaria.

In 1 Kings 21: 25, we read that ‘there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do wickedness in the sight of the Lord’ Ahab was the most wicked king of Israel so far and many thanks to his wife Jezebel. His wickedness was increasing in spite of the judgements of God and Jezebel’s manipulations stirred him up even more. Ahab could have put his foot down and stood up for the truth of the word of God, stood up against idolatry, murder, disobedience, deceit and wickedness but he permitted Jezebel’s influence in the kingdom to reign.

Conclusion

Many people prefer to please humans rather than please God. Christianity encourages the believer to stay, withhold the storms in the marriage but many times, these storms never pass. Sometimes, they devolve into abuse, which damages and destroys the soul. Marriage is a principle I agree with and encourage, with the caveat that this is done in the absence of abuse or taking grace for granted. Paul wrote that ‘shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid.

Paul also wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:13, that even in your temptations, God is faithful who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it. Therefore, flee from idolatry. Even idolatry of marriage.

It is wise to not partake in the unfruitful works of darkness but rather expose it. Anything that will cause us to sin or raise itself up as an idol our hearts, it is wise to flee from such things. Overtime, if we refuse to hear the voice of God and consistently harden our hearts to the warning of the Holy Spirit or His prophets, the Lord might just give us over the the desires of our hearts. For sin will not produce the righteousness of God in our lives.

Dake, a bible theologian, reiterates this position in his comment on 1 Corinthians 10:13. Our standing depends upon our faith and union with God and steadfastness in prayer. The greatest saint can stand only as long as he depends upon God and continues in obedience to the gospel. Flee from idolatry, prayerfully seek God’s heart over this matter. Hand it over to him and he will intervene on your behalf.

Call to action.

Marriage is not an idol but an institution to uphold righteousness, love, joy, peace, in the Holy Ghost. My dear friend, I hope my perspective has enlightened you to see that abuse should in no way be tolerated under the guise of ‘long-suffering’ in a marriage for the sake of Christ. Jesus has already died for all once and for all. Now He is calling you to enter His rest, He has been waiting for you. Praying this has brought you one step closer to enjoying marriage, however God is directing that storm today. See the helpful resources below for further guidance.

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Helpful Resources.

Christian Counselling and Therapy

• Better Help
• Grace Christian Counselling
• NHS Recommended Christian Counselling

Other Useful Organisations

• Refuge
• Restored Relationships
• Samaritans
• Victim Support

• A Christmas Reflection & A Hopeful Look Toward 2026
• Understanding Emotional Overwhelm in Healing
• Healing Your Marriage: From Pain to Purpose
• Understanding True Healing: A Journey Beyond Pain
• Healing and Finding Freedom: My Journey from Abuse

Join me on my little quest for freedom and happiness in a world where it’s almost tradable on the stock exchange. To keep up, follow my social media pages. Feel free to contact me and thanks for stopping by.

Susan Adeyemi