5 Biblical Strategies to Handle Toxic Relationships

Why are toxic people unhealthy?

Toxic people can be deeply challenging to navigate, not because they are beyond redemption or unworthy of love, but because their behaviours often stem from unresolved pain, fear, or unhealthy coping mechanisms. These behaviours can create an environment of manipulation, criticism, or emotional imbalance that drains the well-being of those around them. Toxic people would drain the life out of you if you allow them.

In an earlier article, I describe 5 Critical Signs to Recognise Abuse in any Close Relationship. These signs are not specific to any type. Similar patterns can be found in Work Environments and Friendships. You can also find them in Church Community, Familial, and Spousal Contexts.

As Christians, we are called to love others, but love does not mean enduring harm. Jesus teaches his disciples in Matthew 10:16 “listen carefully: I am sending you out like sheep among wolves; so be wise as serpents, and innocent as doves”. Meaning to have no self-serving agenda. We are not called to save others but to work out our salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).

Allowing toxicity to persist in a relationship can hinder the growth, peace, and joy that God desires for us. Recognizing the impact of toxic behaviours is not about condemnation. It is about setting healthy boundaries that protects our heart. These boundaries honour God’s design for relationships, which is built on mutual respect, care, and trust.

How can we use scripture to deal with toxic people?

Number One- Be Rooted in Your Identity in Jesus Christ.

Biblical Viewpoint – How to be rooted in Jesus Christ

Dealing with a toxic person begins with firmly grounding your identity in Jesus Christ. The Bible reminds us in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that we are new creations in Him. Our worth comes not from the opinions or behaviours of other people, but from God’s unchanging love.

When you fully embrace who you are in Christ—a beloved child of God, redeemed and cherished—it becomes easier to set healthy boundaries without guilt. Jesus Himself modelled this by balancing love and truth, refusing to allow harmful behaviors while still extending grace.

Practical Step 1 – Be rooted in Christ

Remember, you are called to be a peacemaker (Matthew 5:9). However, peace does not mean enduring toxicity. Guard your emotional or spiritual health. Stand firm in God’s promises. Seek His wisdom in prayer. Trust that He will guide you in responding with love. He will protect the dignity and peace He desires for your life.

Number Two- Study the Word.

Biblical Viewpoint – Importance of Studying the Word

The revelation of the truth of God’s word brings light. There is no place in scripture that encourages a believer to tolerate abusive behaviour or toxicity. That is why, like the Berean Christians in Acts 17:11, be open-minded to examine scriptures daily to see if what you’re being advised falls in line with God’s word.

Practical Step 2 – Study the Word

It is important to understand and apply biblical teachings accurately. Biblical love involves expelling sin 2 Thessalonians 3:14, being sincere, hating evil and protecting yourself from harm.

Number Three- Set Healthy Boundaries.

Biblical Viewpoint – On Setting Healthy Boundaries

From a biblical perspective, dealing with toxic people requires a balance of love, wisdom, and boundaries. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us to guard our hearts, for it is the wellspring of life. This means we must set healthy boundaries to protect our emotional and spiritual well-being while still acting with compassion.

Jesus Himself modeled boundaries. He withdrew from crowds to pray (Luke 5:16). He was also clear about what behavior He would not tolerate (Matthew 21:12-13).

Practical Step 3 – Setting Healthy Boundaries

In dealing with toxic people, communicate your boundaries clearly and kindly, and trust God for wisdom (James 1:5). Remember, setting limits is not unloving; it allows both you and the other person the space to grow and reflect.

Number Four- Recognize Reg Flags.

Biblical Perspective – How to Spot Red Flags using the Wisdom of Scripture

From a biblical perspective, observing red flags in a toxic person begins with seeking God’s wisdom and discernment. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 7:16 that “by their fruit, you will recognize them.” Pay attention to the consistent patterns of their behavior rather than isolated incidents.

Do their actions reflect the fruits of the Spirit? Like love, kindness, patience, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23), or do they have consistent tendencies toward anger, manipulation, deceit, or selfishness? A toxic person consistently dismisses your feelings, violate your boundaries, or lead you away from God’s peace and truth.

Practical Step 4 – Recognise Red Flags Using these Tips

Invite the Holy Spirit prayerfully to guide you.
Lean on wise counsel from trusted individuals.
Stay grounded in God’s Word. It equips you to distinguish between healthy relationships and those that harm your spiritual, emotional, or physical well-being.

Number Five- Speak the Truth in Love.

Biblical Perspective – Use Love

When dealing with a toxic person, the Bible calls us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). This means addressing harmful behaviours with honesty, but in a spirit of grace and humility. Jesus demonstrated that love is not enabling wrongdoing, but seeking the best for the other person, even if it requires hard conversations.

Practical Steps – Use these Tips to Handle Toxic Individuals

Start by praying for wisdom and strength, asking God to guide your words and soften their heart.
When you speak, focus on specific behaviours rather than attacking their character, and express how these actions affect you.
Avoid anger or blame, remembering Proverbs 15:1: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Finally, trust God with the outcome. You can plant seeds of truth, but only He can bring transformation.

Summary of How to Use Scriptures to Deal with The Toxic People in Our Lives.

We are new creations in Jesus Christ and our worth comes from Him.
When you embrace your identity in Christ, it’s easier to deal with toxicity.
Study the word of God like the Berean Christians did. Though they received Paul’s teaching with an open-mind, they went back to search the Scriptures daily themselves.
When you draw near to the Holy Spirit, he will reveal the hidden toxic dynamics to you.
Are their words backed up by their actions or do they consistently reveal tendencies towards anger, manipulation, deceit and selfishness?
Remember to speak the truth in love by addressing how their harmful character affects you. Avoid anger and blame in such conversations and let the Holy Spirit take the driving wheel.

If a toxic relationship has caused you pain in the past, I gently encourage you to pray for the other person, allowing space for healing. Let go of any lingering resentment that may weigh on your heart. And if you find yourself presently in one, remember that it is okay to keep a safe distance if that feels right for you. Remember to also trust that God can work in both your heart and theirs, bringing about understanding and peace.

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