How to stop people pleasing and live your best life – Series, part 1
Coming out of an abusive relationship can leave you feeling unsure of yourself. When you’ve spent so long prioritizing someone else’s needs above your own—often out of fear—it can be difficult to break the habit. But God has called you to live in truth, freedom, and confidence (Galatians 5:1). It’s time to heal, set boundaries, and step into the life He has for you.
Let’s dive deeper into five practical ways to stop people-pleasing and start building healthier relationships.
Your worth is not based on others’ approval
enjoying marriage
- How to stop people pleasing and live your best life – Series, part 1
- 1. Pause Before Saying “Yes” ⏳
- 2. Set Boundaries Without Guilt 🚧
- 3. Let Go of the Fear of Disapproval 🕊
- 4. Start Speaking Up for Yourself 🎤
- 5. Seek God’s Guidance and Strength 🤲🙏
- Watch the Summary Here on YouTube.
- Final Thoughts & Call to Action
- Other Articles
1. Pause Before Saying “Yes” ⏳
If you’ve been in a controlling or emotionally abusive relationship, you may have learned to say yes automatically to avoid conflict. The fear of upsetting someone might make you feel like you have no choice but to agree. But that’s not true. You have the right to take a moment and decide whether you actually want to say yes.
🤔 Reflection Question: Have you ever said ‘yes’ when you wanted to say ‘no’? What stopped you?
✅ What You Can Do:
- When someone asks you for something, don’t respond immediately. Instead, say, “Let me think about it and get back to you.”
- Practice deep breathing before answering, so you don’t respond out of pressure.
- Ask yourself: Am I saying yes because I want to, or because I’m afraid of how they’ll react?
📌 Example:
🤔 Reflection Question: Can you recall a time when setting a boundary made you feel guilty? How did you handle it?
A friend asks you to help them move this weekend, but you already feel drained. Instead of saying yes out of guilt, take time to consider whether you have the energy to help. If you don’t, politely decline: “I wish I could, but I need to rest this weekend. I hope you find the help you need!”
2. Set Boundaries Without Guilt 🚧
People-pleasers often struggle with setting boundaries because they fear rejection or disappointing others. In an abusive relationship, your boundaries may have been constantly ignored or dismissed, making it even harder to set them now. But healthy boundaries are a sign of self-respect, not selfishness.
🤔 Reflection Question: Have you ever said ‘yes’ when you wanted to say ‘no’? What stopped you?
✅ What You Can Do:
- Start small. If saying “no” feels too hard, begin by delaying your response or limiting how much time you give others.
- Use firm but kind language. You don’t need to over-explain or justify your boundaries.
- Expect resistance. Not everyone will be happy with your new boundaries, but those who respect you will honor them.
📌 Example:
🤔 Reflection Question: Can you recall a time when setting a boundary made you feel guilty? How did you handle it?
A family member calls you late at night to vent about their problems, disrupting your rest. Instead of answering every time, set a boundary: “I love you, but I can’t take late-night calls anymore. Let’s talk during the day instead.”
3. Let Go of the Fear of Disapproval 🕊
Many survivors of abuse develop a deep fear of rejection. When you’ve been emotionally manipulated, criticized, or made to feel unworthy, you may start believing that your value comes from keeping others happy. But the truth is—your worth is not based on other people’s approval.
🤔 Reflection Question: Have you ever said ‘yes’ when you wanted to say ‘no’? What stopped you?
✅ What You Can Do:
- When you start feeling guilty for setting boundaries, pause and pray. Ask God to remind you of your worth in Him.
- Reframe rejection as redirection. Not everyone will accept your choices, but that doesn’t mean they’re wrong.
- Keep a journal of positive affirmations and Bible verses about your identity in Christ.
📌 Example:
🤔 Reflection Question: Can you recall a time when setting a boundary made you feel guilty? How did you handle it?
You decide to decline an invitation to a social event because you need rest. A friend tries to guilt-trip you, saying, “You never make time for us anymore.” Instead of giving in, remind yourself: “My well-being matters. True friends will respect my decisions.”
- Divide and Conquer: The Strategy Behind Isolation in Abusive Relationships
- Cut Off and Controlled: How Abusers Isolate You From Your Support System
- Understanding Abusive Relationships Like Cult Dynamics – My Experience
- Redeeming Broken Trust: How God Restores What Betrayal Tried to Destroy!
- From Bitterness to Forgiveness: God’s Way Through Betrayal
4. Start Speaking Up for Yourself 🎤
If you’ve been silenced in a past relationship, using your voice might feel unnatural or even scary. You may have been criticized or ignored whenever you expressed your needs. But your voice matters.
🤔 Reflection Question: Have you ever said ‘yes’ when you wanted to say ‘no’? What stopped you?
✅ What You Can Do:
- Start small. Practice expressing your opinions in low-risk situations, like choosing a restaurant or suggesting a movie.
- Use “I” statements. Instead of blaming or apologizing, say, “I feel uncomfortable when…” or “I need…”
- Practice in a safe space. Talk with a trusted friend or therapist to build confidence in expressing yourself.
📌 Example:
🤔 Reflection Question: Can you recall a time when setting a boundary made you feel guilty? How did you handle it?
You’re used to agreeing with others just to avoid conflict. The next time someone asks for your opinion, instead of saying, “I don’t care, whatever you want,” say, “Actually, I’d prefer this option.” Over time, this builds self-trust and confidence.
5. Seek God’s Guidance and Strength 🤲🙏
Breaking free from people-pleasing isn’t just a mental shift—it’s a spiritual transformation. You’ve likely spent years prioritizing others’ needs over your own, but now it’s time to trust that God will guide you.
🤔 Reflection Question: Have you ever said ‘yes’ when you wanted to say ‘no’? What stopped you?
✅ What You Can Do:
- Pray for wisdom before making decisions. Ask, “Lord, is this what You want for me?”
- Study scriptures that reinforce your worth in Christ (e.g., Galatians 1:10, Psalm 139:14, Isaiah 41:10).
- Surround yourself with godly support—friends, mentors, or a Christian counselor who will encourage you to stand firm.
📌 Example:
🤔 Reflection Question: Can you recall a time when setting a boundary made you feel guilty? How did you handle it?
You feel pressured to commit to something that drains you. Instead of automatically saying yes, pray first: “Lord, give me wisdom to know if this is right for me.” The more you rely on God’s guidance, the easier it becomes to honor your boundaries.
Watch the Summary Here on YouTube.
Final Thoughts & Call to Action
Recovering from an abusive relationship means reclaiming your identity, voice, and boundaries. By pausing before saying yes, setting healthy limits, letting go of the fear of disapproval, speaking up for yourself, and seeking God’s wisdom, you can break free from people-pleasing and step into the confident, Christ-centered life God desires for you.
🤔 Final Reflection: Which of these steps feels the hardest for you to implement? What is one small action you can take today to start?
💛 Did this resonate with you?
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💬 Let’s Talk!
Have you struggled with people-pleasing? What has helped you overcome it? Drop a comment below and let’s support each other on this journey! 🚀✨
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