How to stop people pleasing and live your best life – Series, part 2
Join me as I challenge myself to break free from the people pleaser trap and learn to say no for the first time! Last time, I wrote an introductory article about how people pleasing can be a difficult habit to break. It could be even more challenging to walk away from this learned habit if you’re just coming out of a toxic relationship. You can find out more HERE.
In this article, I address how people pleasing became a learned habit for many people due to no fault of their own. I explore its root in co-dependency, touch on the negative effects and how adverse childhood impacts play a role in this behaviour. I also share my personal experience at the end and I encourage you to reclaim your life and challenge these behaviours.
The people pleaser trap is a toxic cycle that many of us fall into, where we prioritize others’ needs over our own, often to the point of self-sacrifice, and it’s deeply rooted in codependency, making it extremely difficult for us to say no, even when we desperately need to.
Content
- How to stop people pleasing and live your best life – Series, part 2
- Content
- Why are some individuals caught up in the People Pleasing Trap?
- The Roots of Co-Dependency!
- Adverse Childhood Experiences and the Role it Plays.
- Related Articles
- What People Pleasing Cost Me.
- Now it’s Your Turn- Reclaim Your Life!
- Watch on YouTube
- Watch the Summary Here on Youtube.
- Related Articles
Why are some individuals caught up in the People Pleasing Trap?
People pleasers often struggle with neglecting their own needs, putting others first, and expecting everyone to like them. This can lead to a never-ending cycle of burnout, anxiety, and depression, as they try to navigate the thin line between being kind and being taken advantage of. The constant need for validation and approval can be overwhelming, causing people pleasers to lose themselves in the process of trying to please everyone else.
Their relationships often suffer as well, as they attract people who take advantage of their kindness, leading to feelings of resentment and frustration. In extreme cases, people pleasers may even put themselves in harm’s way, ignoring their own boundaries and needs to accommodate others, which can have severe consequences for their mental and physical health.
The Roots of Co-Dependency!
The roots of codependency are often found in childhood experiences, where individuals may have been taught to prioritize others’ needs over their own, or where they may have had to take on too much responsibility at a young age. Societal pressures can also play a significant role, as we’re often taught that being selfless and putting others first is the ultimate sign of kindness and generosity. This can lead to a lifetime of self-sacrifice, as individuals struggle to set boundaries and prioritize their own needs.
The fear of rejection and abandonment can be a powerful motivator, causing people pleasers to cling to toxic relationships and prioritize others’ needs over their own.
Adverse Childhood Experiences and the Role it Plays.
Childhood experiences, such as having a parent with an addiction or a mental health issue, can also contribute to the development of codependent tendencies, as individuals may have had to develop strategies to cope with chaos and unpredictability.
Growing up in an environment where emotions are dismissed or ignored can also lead to codependency, as individuals may struggle to develop healthy emotional regulation skills and may prioritize others’ feelings over their own. The lack of healthy role models and the constant exposure to toxic relationships can make it difficult for people pleasers to recognize and challenge their own codependent tendencies.
Additionally, the fear of being alone or unloved can be a powerful driver of people-pleasing behavior, as individuals may believe that they need to constantly seek validation and approval from others, to feel worthy. This can lead to a never-ending cycle of seeking external validation, rather than developing a sense of self-worth and self-acceptance.
What People Pleasing Cost Me.
I used to be a people pleaser, always putting others’ needs before my own, and it wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I realized I needed to make a change. I was exhausted, anxious, and depressed, and I knew I had to learn to say no and set boundaries if I wanted to reclaim my life.
It wasn’t easy, but I started small, practicing saying no to tiny requests and gradually working my way up to bigger ones. I learned to prioritize my own needs and set boundaries, even when it felt uncomfortable or scary. I also learned to recognize the signs of people-pleasing behavior in myself, such as feeling resentful or angry when others didn’t reciprocate my kindness. Through this journey, I discovered that saying no is not just about setting boundaries, but also about setting myself free.
As I continued on my journey, I realized that saying no is not just about asserting myself, but also about respecting others’ boundaries and needs. I learned to communicate my needs and boundaries clearly and respectfully, without feeling guilty or apologetic. I also learned to prioritize self-care and self-compassion, recognizing that taking care of myself is not selfish, but necessary.
Through this process, I have since developed a sense of self-worth and self-acceptance, and I learned to recognize that my worth and value come from within, rather than from external validation.
Now it’s Your Turn- Reclaim Your Life!
I want to encourage you to take the first step towards breaking free from the people pleaser trap, and I invite you to share your own experiences and struggles in the comments below.
In conclusion, breaking free from the people pleaser trap requires a deep understanding of codependency and the importance of setting boundaries. It’s essential to prioritize self-care and recognize that saying no is not just about asserting ourselves, but also about respecting others’ boundaries and needs. By learning to say no and set boundaries, we can reclaim our lives, prioritize our own needs, and develop a sense of self-worth and self-acceptance.
If you’re struggling with people-pleasing behavior, I encourage you to watch my related video on setting healthy boundaries, where I share more tips and strategies for breaking free from the people pleaser trap.
Watch on YouTube
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Watch the Summary Here on Youtube.
