How to stop people pleasing and live your best life – Series, part 6
Join me as I challenge myself to break free from the people pleaser trap and learn to say no! Last time, I wrote the fifth part series of the power of self-care. I emphasized how it was possible to overcome people-pleasing by embracing self-care from a biblical perspective. I also outlined four key areas to consider: emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. In summary, we discussed how prioritizing self-care fosters healing after toxic relationships, aligns with God’s will, and promotes resilience. You can find out more HERE.
The article emphasizes breaking free from people-pleasing through assertiveness and self-care from a biblical perspective. It outlines practical steps: renewing the mind with scripture, practicing saying no, using “I” statements, and surrounding oneself with supportive individuals. Ultimately, it encourages valuing oneself according to God’s teachings to foster healthier relationships.
- How to stop people pleasing and live your best life – Series, part 6
- What Is Assertiveness?
- Pray for Strength and Guidance
- Watch the Summary Here on YouTube.
- Final Thoughts & Call to Action
- Related Articles
Coming out of a toxic relationship can leave you feeling voiceless and unsure of yourself. If you’ve spent years walking on eggshells, avoiding conflict, or putting others’ needs above your own, the idea of being assertive may feel foreign or even wrong. However, God calls us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and to live in the confidence of who He created us to be.
What Is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is the ability to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully, without fear or guilt. It is not about being aggressive or controlling, but rather about valuing yourself enough to communicate with confidence. The Bible teaches us that our words should be seasoned with grace (Colossians 4:6), meaning we can be both kind and firm at the same time.
Here are 4 practical steps you can start using today to practice your assertion in likely scenarios:
1. Renew Your Mind with Biblical Truth
Many people who struggle with assertiveness have internalized lies about their worth. A toxic relationship may have led you to believe that your voice doesn’t matter or that setting boundaries is selfish. The Bible tells us otherwise:
- Psalm 139:14 – “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
- 2 Timothy 1:7 – “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
Practical Step: Write down scriptures that affirm your value and place them where you can see them daily. Meditate on God’s truth about your worth.
2. Practice Saying No Without Guilt
Toxic relationships often condition people to say “yes” out of fear. True biblical love does not mean always pleasing others; it means honoring God and making wise choices. Jesus Himself set boundaries when necessary (Luke 5:16, Mark 1:35-38).
Example: If a former partner or friend demands your time, instead of feeling obligated, you can say, “I appreciate you reaching out, but I am not available.” No explanation is required.
Practical Step: Start small—decline minor requests that drain you, and gradually work up to bigger boundaries.
3. Use “I” Statements to Express Your Needs
Assertive communication focuses on expressing feelings without blaming or attacking others. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when my opinions are dismissed.”
Biblical Wisdom: Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Assertiveness means being firm while maintaining respect.
Practical Step: Practice rephrasing your frustrations into “I” statements before engaging in conversations.
4. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Your environment greatly impacts your ability to be assertive. Being around people who encourage and respect you will strengthen your confidence.
Biblical Wisdom: Proverbs 13:20 advises, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”
Example: If you have a friend who respects your decisions and supports your growth, spend more time with them and observe how they set healthy boundaries.
Practical Step: Seek out a mentor, Christian counselor, or support group to reinforce your assertiveness journey.
Pray for Strength and Guidance
Developing assertiveness requires courage, and God is ready to walk this journey with you. Ask Him for wisdom to know when to speak up and for strength to stand firm.
Biblical Wisdom: James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach.”
Practical Step: Before difficult conversations, pray for clarity and confidence. Trust that God will guide your words.
Watch the Summary Here on YouTube.
Final Thoughts & Call to Action
Building assertiveness is about learning to value yourself the way God does. By renewing your mind with biblical truth, practicing boundaries, and seeking God’s wisdom, you can grow in confidence and build healthier relationships.
Which of these steps resonates with you the most? Share your thoughts in the comments, and if this article has encouraged you, pass it along to someone who may need it. Let’s support each other in this journey of healing and growth!
