Part 5: The Control Trap — When Anxiety Poses as Protection
part 5 of 7 part series on Anxiety
By Susan Adeyemi, Christian Counsellor, Life Coach & Author
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
— Proverbs 3:5–6 (NIV)
- Part 5: The Control Trap — When Anxiety Poses as Protection
If anxiety had a favorite disguise, it would be control.
On the surface, trying to control outcomes, schedules, people, and even emotions might look like responsibility, preparedness, or strong leadership. But beneath that polished exterior is often a heart gripped by fear, striving to protect itself from what it cannot predict.
In this final part of our series, “Anxious for Nothing: Finding Peace in God’s Design for Relationships,” we’re uncovering how anxiety drives us to control, and how God calls us to surrender and trust instead.
Section 1. What Control Really Says
Anxiety doesn’t always sound like panic. Sometimes, it sounds like:
- “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done right.”
- “I just need to double-check one more time.”
- “I’m fine, I just like things a certain way.”
- “I’m not trying to control, I’m just being careful.”
But underneath these phrases is often an unspoken belief:
“If I don’t manage this, something will go wrong—and I won’t be okay.”
Control is often a coping mechanism rooted in fear. It tells us that safety comes from holding everything together. But the truth is, control is an illusion. And clinging to it only increases our anxiety over time.
Section 2. The Many Faces of Control
Control can show up in ways we don’t immediately recognize:
1. Micromanaging Others
You might feel a strong need to oversee how others behave, make decisions, or respond—especially loved ones. It can look like over-parenting, over-instructing, or hovering.
2. Obsessive Planning
When fear drives us, even good planning can become excessive. We try to prepare for every possible scenario because we fear failure or chaos.
3. Emotional Withdrawal
Withholding affection or communication can be a subtle way to protect ourselves from vulnerability or to regain a sense of power.
4. Perfectionism
The need for everything to be “just right” is often more about fear of judgment or rejection than it is about high standards.
Section 3. Biblical Surrender: A Different Way
God never asked us to control everything. He asks us to trust Him completely.
“Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10
Surrender isn’t weakness. It’s not giving up. It’s choosing to lay down our fear and pick up faith. It is a spiritual discipline, cultivated through daily decisions to release our grip on what we cannot control and entrust it to the One who can.
Section 4. Practical Strategies to Develop Trust and Combat Anxiety
Trust is not a passive feeling—it is an active discipline of the heart. Here’s how we can grow in it:
1. Recognize the Root
Ask God to reveal what fear is fueling your need to control. Is it fear of failure? Of being hurt? Of being misunderstood?
“Search me, God, and know my heart… see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” — Psalm 139:23–24
2. Confess and Surrender Daily
Make it a habit to release your fears into God’s hands. Pray specifically about the areas where you feel the urge to control.
“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you.” — Psalm 55:22
3. Practice Obedience, Not Outcome
God calls us to obedience, not omniscience. Do your part, but leave the results to Him. His peace is not based on outcomes—it’s based on His presence.
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.” — Isaiah 26:3
4. Invite Accountability
Talk to a mentor, friend, or counselor about your control struggles. Invite safe people to speak truth into your blind spots and walk with you toward peace.
Section 5. A Better Protection
True protection does not come from having control. It comes from being under God’s covering.
When we surrender, we invite God to fight for us. When we release control, we make room for His peace. When we trust Him with the people and plans we care about, we walk in a freedom that anxiety can never offer.
“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” — Exodus 14:14
Some Practical Exercises and Resources For You
Over to you. I want you to think about the questions below and consider how anxiety shows up in your daily life, actions, habits and thinking.
- Where in your life are you holding too tightly?
- What fears are hiding behind your need to manage or control?
- What drives your need to control? (e.g., past disappointment? childhood trauma?, feeling rejected?)
- What would it look like to release those fears and trust God instead?
- Which practical tip would you start using today to keep anxiety at bay? Refer to Section 4 in this article.
Use the “ANXIETY AWARENESS CHECKLIST” to practically assess where anxiety is ruling your daily life; affecting your emotions and impacting your thoughts ad behaviours.
Join the Conversation
Have you noticed how anxiety shows up as control in your own life?
What has surrender looked like for you in this season?
We want to hear from you. Share your thoughts, your struggles, or your prayers in the comments below. Your honesty could be a breakthrough moment for someone else.
And if this series has helped you, consider sharing it with someone who needs to find peace in God’s presence—not in their own strength.
“Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way.” — 2 Thessalonians 3:16
You are deeply loved by a God who is not intimidated by your fears. He doesn’t need your control. He desires your trust.
Let Him lead you out of anxiety and into His peace.
Thank you. Don’t forget to subscribe to my weekly newsletter. Great to connect with you!
Such a powerful read. 💛 If you’re into healing, self-love & emotional growth, feel free to visit my page too: https://wp.me/pgDWAA-eU