Can a Christian Be a Narcissist?

Healing Series

REVEALING GOD’S HEART FOR RELATIONSHIPS

Susan Adeyemi

Susan is a professional who works in business and organisational restructuring. However, over the past 6 years, she’s felt a heavy ministerial burden to reach the wounded through God’s word. After being in an abusive relationship, she sought the face of the Lord concerning how to repurpose her pain for the benefit of God’s kingdom. She believes she has been called into a unique position to reach out to people, particularly those who find themselves in wrong relationships. She wants you to know that God hears your prayers. He wants to encourage you to not give up or give in. He wants to heal the brokenhearted and restore you to your rightful place. He wants to bind up your wounds and strengthen you in His love and set you free. To keep up, follow my social media pages. Feel free to contact me below and sign up for our weekly letters.

By Susan Adeyemi, Counsellor, & Author

Can a Narcissist Claim They Are A Believer?

Can a Christian be a narcissist? Yes. Can a born-again, spirit filled believer of Jesus Christ be a narcissist? No. What is the difference? The difference is that the spirit of the born-again believer, Ruach Hakodesh cannot stand or tolerate sin because it is the spirit of God. When one is born again, Jesus promised us the Holy Spirit by which we are sealed unto salvation. We know the Holy Spirit hates wrong doing, injustice and the oppression of God’s people (Isaiah 61:8 and Exodus 3:7-9).

The spirit of a man knows the heart of a man, likewise, the spirit of God knows the mind of God. God hates sin. When Jesus was on earth, He operated by the Holy Spirit, hence miracles, sign and wonders. The Holy Spirit is a spirit of power, justice and righteous and we saw a show of this when Jesus got angry at the food sellers in the temple, or a show of God’s concern for the Israelites suffering under the bondage and oppressive slavery of Pharaoh and Egypt. He displayed a righteous anger against the unrighteous hearts of the level of lawlessness and selfish ambition and gain He saw at the temple.

When you are born again, the spirit of God (Ruach Hakodesh) that is shed abroad in your hearts in love. This is the spirit of God, the 7 spirits of God in Isaiah 11:2, Revelation 3:1, and Revelation 4:5. They are the spirit of might and counsel, wisdom and strength, knowledge and the fear of God. Jesus fulfilled the law of Moses under the old covenant, Hebrews 10:7 and gave us a new instruction for the believers to live by. In James 4:7, “I give you a new commandment, love. Love the Lord your God with all your might, body and soul. Then love your neighbour as yourself.

The Incomprehensible Nature of Narcissism – Love vs Hatred

Love is the greatest commandment, when we fulfil love, we have fulfilled the law before Jesus came, and also prophecy. Jesus said in Matthew 22:40, that when we love the Lord our God and our neighbour, we have fulfilled the law and the prophets!

Matthew 22: 37 – 40 (NIV)

³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Again, the bible says that Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written, cursed is anyone that hangs on a tree (Galatians 3:13). Paul further explains in 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 that love is eternal and it never fails. Further still, Paul writes to the Romans in 12:9-11, that we should love. Love must be sincere. Love hates evil and should cling to what is good. We should be devoted to one another in love and honour one another above our selves.

Romans 12:9-11 (NIV)

Love in Action

⁹ Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves. ¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord.

We are urged not to lack in zeal but to keep the fire burning, serving the Lord. Verse 18 states that if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, be at peace with one another.

We cannot claim to be born again believers, possessing the spirit of God which is love and not exhibit the fruit of the spirit, love (Galatians 5:22). We cannot claim to be born again and not love God. Surely, this concept will be foreign to our new person (our born-again spirit) because we have been transformed in our spirit man and will not be able to hate anyone. Jesus said, blessed are you who believe and have not seen. Are you a hypocrite if you claim to believe but do not show the fruit of love? Your fruits are not matching the source, the tree of life. You are just a christian, not a believer. There should be a distinction between the followers of Christ and mere christian man-made religion. Alive in religion but dead in faith.

Love in Action – Rescue from the Oppression of the Narcissist

Romans 12:17-18 further reiterates how important it is to not repay anyone evil for evil and be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. As far as is possible, and depends on you, live at peace with everyone. And in 1 Corinthian 7:15, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or sister is not bound in such circumstances and God has called us to live in peace”.

It is a difficult concept to grasp, that an unbeliever leaves but the Lord has permitted us to move on. Not wait for them to change or turnaround. Most times, the Lord has given answers to our suffering and situation but we cannot yet perceive it. In His infinite mercy, He would allow this person to walkaway. He would also confirm His permission to move on as He gave us the instruction. In the case of doubt, He will confirm His word through prophecy, bible scripture, a situation, in movies, a friend or family, a vision, a dream, nature or in conversation and prayer.

In the mouths of two to three witnesses, every word if established.

Can A Narcissist Be Restored and Is Reconciliation Possible?

A narcissist can be a christian, profess in their mouths but not believe in their hearts. We see in Psalm 5:9 where David wrote from his experience with narcissistic characters. We note that they cannot be trusted and they are constantly filled with malice and lies. They are faraway from God and do not know the heart of the father concerning relationships or what they should look like. They operate in relationships from the mindset of a broken world riddled with sin, pain and suffering.

Such a person is moved by every wind of doctrine and cannot receive anything from God. They don’t have a sound mind, and cannot love you as the father loves you. Therefore, it is dangerous to give narcissists unrestrained access to your heart hoping and praying that one day, you’d experience a loving and healthy relationship with them. This is an unrealistic expectation and an unsustainable request to expect from an individual that does not know the Lord, have the heart of the Lord for you as their basis for love is not found in God. I have come to realise that they can only love as far as it benefits them and as such, they cannot relate to the mind of God.

Sure, God gives grace to the humble, but shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid. Before reconciliation is possible or is even a topic of discussion to be entertained in your marriage or relationship, a narcissist will need to repent. They would need to comeback to the heart of Christ to receive healing and restoration.

If they choose unrepentance and continue in sin and pride, let them go! Take it as a sign that the Lord wants to heal, renew, restore, and redesign your broken heart.

Reflection and Next Steps

If you are a victim, survivor or thriving advocate from narcissistic abuse, I would like to hear your thoughts on this article.

• Feel free to share which part resonates most in the comments below.
• Download a copy of “Managing Negative Emotions Guide” to support you.
• Join my community for ongoing support and accountability.

Let’s continue the conversation about challenging negative believes that are keeping you trapped in a toxic, dysfunctional relationship dynamic. I was trapped in mine for 5 years and it took a lot of personal strength and a mental resilience to choose to live in love and freedom that awaited me. I have been out of that toxic dynamic for 2 years now, as of this publication. Today, I live free from manipulation, control and abuse.I want to help as many people also come out and see that there is another option to life and that you don’t have to settle for dysfunction. If you’d like my help to assess your mindset and set practical next steps, book a free 30-minute consultation with me.

Share your story in the comments and with others. Your experience can bring light and encouragement to someone else navigating the same struggle. If this post helped you, share it with a friend who may be silently battling fear