Part 2 of 11 part series: The Root Cause of Betrayal
By Susan Adeyemi, Counsellor, & Author
- Why Do People Betray? Understanding the Heart Behind the Hurt.
- 1. Selfishness: Choosing “Me” Over “We”
- 2. Fear and Insecurity
- 3. Wounds Left Untended
- Related Posts
- 4. The Enemy’s Influence
- 5. Understanding Without Excusing
- Conclusion: Guarding Our Own Hearts
- Related Articles
We started talking about betrayal in October where we discussed its root cause, how it is fuelled by the enemy, and discussed the warning signs to identify it. We have since talked about narcissistic abuse and how to heal from it. I also shared a brief snippet of my own personal story, which you can find HERE.
I would like to dedicate the next few weeks until March 2026 to talk about betrayal. Many people don’t realise how much of an indelible mark it leaves on the person that experienced this level of pain until they consciously take the time needed to acknowledge, reflect, learn from the experience and heal. I want to draw your attention to the articles we would publish over the next few weeks. If you have ever experienced betrayal in the past and feel like you struggle to trust people again, you’re not alone.
Let’s assess the root cause of betrayal, why people often do this to other people, how it can shape our emotions if left unattended. Even Jesus experienced betrayal, and in part 9 I discuss how He overcame this sense of loss and back stabbing by someone that professed to never leave His side. I also gently guide us into how it is possible to trust again by healing and choosing healthy connections.
Why Do People Betray? Understanding the Heart Behind the Hurt.
Betrayal feels like an unexpected storm, it crashes into our lives without warning, leaving us shaken, hurt, and searching for answers. Few experiences cut as deeply as realizing someone we trusted has turned against us.
When humility is lost, betrayal finds room to grow.
But if we want to heal, we need to pause and ask the hard question: Why do people betray in the first place?
The Bible gives us insight into the heart behind betrayal, helping us understand not just the pain, but the patterns.
1. Selfishness: Choosing “Me” Over “We”
At its core, betrayal often grows out of selfishness. When someone places their desires, comfort, or gain above the good of another, loyalty begins to break.
- A spouse seeks attention outside the marriage.
- A friend spreads secrets to protect their own image.
- A colleague undermines you to climb higher.
The root is the same: self over relationship.
Paul’s words remind us of the opposite posture:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” – Philippians 2:3
When humility is lost, betrayal finds room to grow.
2. Fear and Insecurity
Sometimes betrayal is less about malice and more about fear. People may betray because they are afraid of losing control, being rejected, or facing consequences. Insecurity can push someone to act in ways that protect themselves at the expense of others.
Think of Peter denying Jesus. His betrayal wasn’t from hatred, but from fear of what others might do to him (Luke 22:54–62).
This reminds us: betrayal is not always born of strength, it can also be born of weakness.
3. Wounds Left Untended
Hurt people often hurt people. A person who has unresolved wounds, bitterness, or anger may lash out or act in ways that betray trust. Sometimes, they don’t even fully recognise how their inner pain is spilling out on others.
Hebrews 12:15 warns:
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
A heart left untended can sow seeds of betrayal.
4. The Enemy’s Influence
We must not forget the spiritual dimension. The enemy thrives on division. From Eden to Judas’ betrayal of Jesus, Satan has always used deception to break relationships and destroy trust.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – John 10:10
When betrayal happens, we see more than human weakness, we see a spiritual battle at play.
5. Understanding Without Excusing
To understand why people betray is not to excuse it. Choices still matter. Actions still carry consequences. But when we understand the heart behind betrayal e.g., selfishness, fear, wounds, or spiritual deception; we can respond not just with pain, but with wisdom.
It gives us space to grieve honestly, set healthy boundaries, and still hold onto the truth that God can redeem even the darkest places of our lives.
Conclusion: Guarding Our Own Hearts
The hard truth is this: while we may be betrayed, we are also capable of betraying others if we don’t guard our hearts.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23
So today, pause and reflect:
- Have I been hurt by betrayal, and if so, what was driving it?
- Are there seeds in my own heart e.g., fear, pride, and insecurity that could lead me to betray trust?
- How can I lean on God’s Spirit to walk in integrity, even when it’s hard?
Betrayal may leave scars, but with God’s help, we can choose healing, humility, and honesty. He invites us to live differently, to be faithful, loyal, and true, just as He is with us.
Refelction and Next Steps
- Reflect on each part by writing in your journal. Have you seen selfishness, fear, or insecurity play a role in betrayal in your own life or relationships?
- Also share which part resonates most with you in the comments below.
- Download a copy of “Managing Negative Emotions Guide”
- Join my community to engage in prayers and accountability.
Book a free 30 minutes consultation with me (below) to unpack negative thinking patterns.
Share your story in the comments and with others.
Your experience can bring light and encouragement to someone else navigating the same struggle. If this post helped you, share it with a friend who may be silently battling fear
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