Part 3 of 11 part series: The Impact of Betrayal on Our Hearts
By Susan Adeyemi, Counsellor, & Author
- The Wound Within: How Betrayal Shapes Our Emotions
- 1. The Shock of Betrayal: “I Never Saw It Coming”
- 2. Anger: The Fire Inside
- 3. Grief and Sadness: Mourning What Was Lost
- 4. Fear and Insecurity: ‘Can I Ever Trust Again?’
- 5. Shame: ‘Was It My Fault?’
- Conclusion: Naming the Wound, Seeking the Healer
- Related Articles
Last week, we continued on the topic of betrayal where we examined the heart behind the hurt. This week, we are going to examine how betrayal shapes our emotions. We would go through the stages of shock, anger, grief, fear, shame, and insecurity caused by this difficult emotion.
Many people don’t realise how much of an indelible mark it leaves on the person that experienced this level of pain until they consciously take the time needed to acknowledge, reflect, learn from the experience and heal. So, if you have ever experienced betrayal in the past and feel like you struggle to trust people again, you’re not alone.
In other articles, I talk about narcissistic abuse and how to heal from it. I refer to narcissistic abuse because when an individual becomes free of that experience, one of the emotions they would come in contact with as they begin healing is a sense of deep betrayal. They may have questions like, ‘was the relationship ever real’, ‘did the accused know all along that he/she was not invested long term in the relationship?’, ‘was I deceived all those years?’. I also share a brief snippet of my own personal story, and some difficult emotions I had to wrestle with on the onset of my healing journey – HERE.
The Wound Within: How Betrayal Shapes Our Emotions
Betrayal doesn’t just break trust; it pierces the heart. Unlike other disappointments, betrayal carries a sting because it comes from someone close: a spouse, a friend, a family member, or even a spiritual leader.
Shock is `normal, it’s the heart trying to process a reality it wasn’t prepared for.
The wound is more than external; it goes deep inside us, shaping how we think, feel, and even see ourselves. Let’s look at how betrayal touches our emotions and what God’s Word says about healing.
1. The Shock of Betrayal: “I Never Saw It Coming”
The first emotion many feel is shock. The ground beneath us suddenly shifts, and life no longer feels steady. Questions swirl:
- “How could they do this to me?”
- “Was our relationship ever real?”
- “Did I miss the signs?”
David, betrayed by his close friend, cried out:
“If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; but it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend.” – Psalm 55:12–13
Shock is normal, it’s the heart trying to process a reality it wasn’t prepared for.
2. Anger: The Fire Inside
Betrayal often stirs anger. This emotion can be explosive or silent, but either way it burns. Anger is the heart’s cry for justice, it says, “This wasn’t fair. I didn’t deserve this.”
Even Jesus felt righteous anger at injustice (Mark 11:15–16). Anger in itself is not sin, but Scripture reminds us:
“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” – Ephesians 4:26
If left unchecked, anger can harden into bitterness. But when surrendered to God, it can fuel healthy boundaries and a hunger for His justice.
3. Grief and Sadness: Mourning What Was Lost
Betrayal brings loss, the loss of trust, closeness, and sometimes the relationship itself. Grief is natural, and it mirrors the lament we see in Scripture.
The psalms are filled with cries of sadness and longing, reminding us that God doesn’t ask us to hide our grief. Instead, He meets us in it:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
Grief may feel heavy, but it is part of the healing process.
4. Fear and Insecurity: ‘Can I Ever Trust Again?’
Once betrayed, many struggle with fear. We ask ourselves:
- “What if this happens again?”
- “Can I really trust anyone?”
- “Am I too naive?”
This fear can build walls around the heart. While some boundaries are healthy, fear-driven isolation keeps us from the very love and connection God designed us for.
Paul reminds us:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7
5. Shame: ‘Was It My Fault?’
Perhaps the deepest wound betrayal leaves is shame. We begin to wonder if something about us caused the betrayal. Did we not love enough, give enough, or matter enough?
But betrayal says more about the betrayer’s heart than the betrayed. Jesus, who was perfect in love, was still betrayed. This truth reminds us: betrayal is not proof of our failure, but evidence of human weakness and sin.
Conclusion: Naming the Wound, Seeking the Healer
Betrayal shapes our emotions, but it doesn’t have to define our future. The shock, anger, grief, fear, and shame are real, but they can all be brought before God.
The psalms show us that God welcomes our raw emotions. He isn’t afraid of our tears or our questions. And in His presence, our wounds can begin to heal.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3
Reflection and Next Steps
- Which of these emotions have you felt most strongly after betrayal?
- How have you seen God meet you in those feelings?
- Download a copy of “Managing Negative Emotions Guide” to help manage the emotions from betrayal.
- Join my community to engage in prayers and accountability.
Book a free 30 minutes consultation with me (below) to unpack negative thinking patterns.
Your voice matters, share your story in the comments and with others.
Your experience can bring light and encouragement to someone else navigating the same struggle. If this post helped you, share it with a friend who may be silently battling with anger and resentment from a betrayal by a family, friend, colleague or spouse.
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