Part 4 of 11 part series: The Impact of Betrayal on Our Hearts
By Susan Adeyemi, Counsellor, & Author
- Collateral Damage: How Betrayal Impacts Family and Friends
- 1. Children: Silent Carriers of Broken Trust
- 2. Family: Torn Loyalties and Fractured Bonds
- 3. Friends: Stuck in the Middle
- 4. Community: The Ripple Effect
- 5. The Hope of Redemption
- Conclusion: Healing Beyond the Two
- Related Articles
Last week, we continued on the topic of betrayal where we examined the emotions we feel from experiencing betrayal. This week, we are going to discuss how betrayal impacts our light bridges, the people that genuinely care about us. These may include our children, extended family, friends, community leaders, even work colleagues.
Many people don’t realise how much of an indelible mark betrayal leaves on the person that experienced this level of pain until they consciously take the time needed to acknowledge, reflect, learn from the experience and heal. So, if you have ever experienced betrayal in the past and feel like you struggle to trust people again, you’re not alone.
In other articles, I talk about narcissistic abuse and how to heal from it. I refer to narcissistic abuse because when an individual becomes free of that experience, one of the emotions they would come in contact with as they begin healing is a sense of deep betrayal. They may have questions like, ‘was the relationship ever real’, ‘did the accused know all along that he/she was not invested long term in the relationship?’, ‘was I deceived all those years?’. I also share a brief snippet of my own personal story, and some difficult emotions I had to wrestle with on the onset of my healing journey – HERE.
Collateral Damage: How Betrayal Impacts Family and Friends
When betrayal strikes, it rarely stays contained between two people. Like ripples on water, the effects spread, touching children, family, and even close friends. Trust doesn’t just break between the betrayer and the betrayed; it sends shockwaves through the wider circle of relationships.
This is the collateral damage of betrayal, the pain others feel, even when they weren’t directly involved.
1. Children: Silent Carriers of Broken Trust
When betrayal happens in marriage, children often feel the weight even if they don’t fully understand what’s happening. They may notice tension, distance, or changes in routine.
- Some withdraw, afraid to take sides.
- Others carry guilt, wondering if they caused the conflict.
- Many grow up struggling to trust in their own future relationships.
Scripture reminds us that the choices of one generation affect the next:
“The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.” – Proverbs 20:7
When trust breaks, children can carry scars, but they can also be blessed by parents who choose honesty, repentance, and healing.
2. Family: Torn Loyalties and Fractured Bonds
Betrayal can divide extended family. Relatives may feel forced to choose sides, and old wounds may resurface. Family gatherings that once brought joy can become filled with tension.
Joseph’s story in Genesis shows this vividly. Betrayed by his brothers, his entire family carried the consequences of deception and jealousy. It wasn’t until years later that reconciliation restored peace.
3. Friends: Stuck in the Middle
Close friends often feel the weight of betrayal too. They may struggle to support both sides without feeling disloyal. Some friendships don’t survive the strain, leaving the betrayed person feeling even more isolated.
Proverbs warns us of this reality:
“A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.” – Proverbs 16:28
When betrayal enters, even those who want to help can feel helpless, unsure how to stand by without being pulled apart.
4. Community: The Ripple Effect
In church or community settings, betrayal can spread doubt and mistrust. People begin to question leadership, friendships, and even their faith. Communities thrive on trust, but when that trust is broken, unity suffers.
Paul urged the early church:
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” – Ephesians 4:3
Betrayal threatens that unity, but with honesty, accountability, and grace, communities can heal and even grow stronger.
5. The Hope of Redemption
Though betrayal creates ripples of pain, God can redeem even the collateral damage. Families can learn forgiveness. Children can grow stronger through seeing faith lived out in hardship. Friendships can be rebuilt on honesty. Communities can rally around grace.
Joseph said to the brothers who betrayed him:
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” – Genesis 50:20
God alone can turn betrayal’s ripple of pain into a ripple of healing.
Conclusion: Healing Beyond the Two
Betrayal is never a private wound. It touches everyone around. But as followers of Christ, we are called to bring healing where trust has been broken, to show children stability, to give family grace, to stand with friends in truth, and to strengthen our communities with peace.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” – Matthew 5:9
- Have you seen betrayal affect not just individuals, but children, family, or friendships?
- How might God be calling you to bring peace and support to those caught in the ripple effects?
- Download a copy of “Managing Negative Emotions Guide”
- Join my community to engage in prayers and accountability.
Book a free 30 minutes consultation with me (below) to unpack negative thinking patterns.
Your story and perspective could encourage someone else. Share your thoughts below so we can learn and heal together.
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