Part 7 of 11 part series: Betrayal And Relationships
By Susan Adeyemi, Counsellor, & Author
- Can We Trust Again? Rebuilding After Betrayal
- 1. Naming the Hurt
- 2. Choosing Forgiveness (But Not Forgetfulness)
- 3. Boundaries as a Pathway to Safety
- 4. Allowing Time and Consistency
- 5. Trusting God First
- Conclusion: Yes, Trust Can Be Rebuilt
- Related Articles
Last week, we continued on the topic of betrayal where we examined the impact of betrayal on our loved ones. This week, let’s talk about how possible it is to rebuild trust again after experiencing betrayal. In 5 steps, I outline how I walked out of my brokeness and gave a chance to rebuild healthier relationships. If you’ve ever experienced betrayal, I want you to know that healing is possible.
In other articles, I talk about narcissistic abuse and how to heal from it. I refer to narcissistic abuse because when an individual becomes free of that experience, one of the emotions they would come in contact with as they begin healing is a sense of deep betrayal. They may have questions like, ‘was the relationship ever real’, ‘did the accused know all along that he/she was not invested long term in the relationship?’, ‘was I deceived all those years?’. I also share a brief snippet of my own personal story, and some difficult emotions I had to wrestle with on the onset of my healing journey – HERE.
Can We Trust Again? Rebuilding After Betrayal
Trauma affects the soul deeply, but betrayal is one of the deepest wounds a person can experience. Whether it comes from a spouse, a close friend, a family member, or even a spiritual leader, betrayal shakes us at our core because it touches the very foundation of trust.
Before we can understand how to heal from betrayal, we need to ask: where does betrayal begin? What is the root cause behind broken trust?
1. Naming the Hurt
The first step toward rebuilding trust is honesty. We cannot heal what we will not name. Betrayal often brings shock, anger, grief, and fear (as we’ve seen in earlier parts of this series). Acknowledging these emotions before God is essential.
David did this openly:
“How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?” – Psalm 13:2
Healing begins when we stop pretending and start praying with authenticity.
2. Choosing Forgiveness (But Not Forgetfulness)
Forgiveness is central to our faith, but it is often misunderstood. Forgiving does not mean excusing betrayal or erasing boundaries. Instead, forgiveness means releasing our right to revenge and entrusting justice to God.
Paul reminds us:
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance… Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13
Forgiveness frees the wounded heart, but wisdom allows us to move forward carefully. Forgiveness is immediate by choice; trust is rebuilt gradually by consistent action.
3. Boundaries as a Pathway to Safety
Rebuilding trust requires boundaries. Boundaries are not walls, they are guardrails that create safety for both people. They may look like open communication, accountability, or taking time to rebuild slowly.
Even Jesus set boundaries, choosing when to engage and when to withdraw:
“But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people.” – John 2:24
Boundaries honour both God’s wisdom and our emotional well-being.
4. Allowing Time and Consistency
Trust is not restored overnight. Words may be spoken quickly, but only time and consistent actions prove reliability. Just as faith without works is dead (James 2:17), promises without follow-through mean little.
Rebuilding requires patience. For the one betrayed, patience with the process. For the one who betrayed, patience in demonstrating real change.
5. Trusting God First
Ultimately, human trust is fragile. Even the most faithful friends can disappoint. But when betrayal tempts us to close off entirely, we must remember where true security lies.
“It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans.” – Psalm 118:8
Placing our ultimate trust in God anchors us, making it possible to extend measured trust to others without fear of devastation.
Conclusion: Yes, Trust Can Be Rebuilt
Can we trust again after betrayal? Yes, but not by ignoring the pain or rushing the process. Healing requires honesty, forgiveness, boundaries, consistency, and most importantly, anchoring our hearts in God’s faithfulness.
Where betrayal breaks, God restores. Where trust shatters, He builds again, if we allow Him to guide us step by step.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3
Reflect & Share
- Have you ever struggled with trusting again after betrayal?
- What has helped you (or what do you feel God is teaching you) in that process?
Next Steps
- Download a copy of “Managing Negative Emotions Guide”
- Join my community to engage in prayers and accountability.
Book a free 30 minutes consultation with me (below) to unpack negative thinking patterns.
Your reflections may encourage someone else walking this same road. Share your thoughts below, we heal best when we heal together.
Leave a comment