Part 3 of 10 part series: Isolation, Control, and the Silent Treatment.
By Susan Adeyemi, Counsellor, & Author
- When Love Becomes Control: Recognising Isolation Disguised as Care
- 1. Control Often Wears the Mask of Care
- 2. Godly Love Produces Freedom, Not Fear
- 3. Shrinking vs Strengthening
- 4. A Heart Check
- Conclusion: Choosing Truth Over Confusion
- Related Articles
In Part 2, we uncovered that isolation is often not accidental, but intentional. We explored how “divide and conquer” operates as a strategy—separating individuals from their support systems in order to increase vulnerability, silence outside perspectives, and make control easier to maintain. We also reflected on the spiritual dimension of division, recognising that confusion, secrecy, and disconnection are not aligned with God’s desire for truth, unity, and clarity.
But control does not always present itself openly. Sometimes, it comes hidden beneath something that looks good.
As we move into Part 3: When Love Becomes Control: Recognising Isolation Disguised as Care, we begin to examine how manipulation can be masked as protection, concern, or affection. This part will help us discern the difference between genuine love and controlling behaviour that slowly limits freedom while appearing to care.
👉 Not everything that feels like love is rooted in love.
👉 The next question is: how do we recognise when care has become control?
In other articles, I talk about narcissistic abuse and how to heal from it. I refer to narcissistic abuse because when an individual becomes free of that experience, one of the emotions they would come in contact with as they begin healing is a sense of deep betrayal. They may have questions like, ‘was the relationship ever real’, ‘did the accused know all along that he/she was not invested long term in the relationship?’, ‘was I deceived all those years?’. I also share a brief snippet of my own personal story, and some difficult emotions I had to wrestle with on the onset of my healing journey – HERE.
When Love Becomes Control: Recognising Isolation Disguised as Care
Not all control looks harsh. Sometimes it sounds caring, protective, or even loving. This is where confusion often begins.
So we must ask: how do we discern the difference between love and control?
1. Control Often Wears the Mask of Care
Statements like “I’m just protecting you” or “They’re not good for you” can slowly shape your decisions. Over time, these words begin to limit your freedom.
But true love does not restrict your world, it broadens and enriches it.
2. Godly Love Produces Freedom, Not Fear
The Bible defines love clearly:
“Love is patient, love is kind… it is not self-seeking.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4–5
Control, however, is often rooted in fear, insecurity, or dominance.
3. Shrinking vs Strengthening
Healthy love strengthens your relationships with others. Control isolates and reduces them.
You should feel more like yourself in a relationship, not less.
4. A Heart Check
Reflect honestly:
- Do you feel free to maintain other relationships?
- Do you feel guilt when making independent decisions?
- Has your world become centred around one person’s approval?
These questions reveal more than surface behaviour, they reveal patterns.
Conclusion: Choosing Truth Over Confusion
God’s love never traps, it frees.
“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” – 2 Corinthians 3:17
👉 Are you experiencing freedom or restriction in your relationship?
👉 What would it look like to walk in God’s definition of love?
Next Steps
- Download a copy of “Managing Negative Emotions Guide”
- Join my community to engage in prayers and accountability.
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