Part 4 of 10 part series: Isolation, Control, and the Silent Treatment.
By Susan Adeyemi, Counsellor, & Author
- The Silent Treatment as Abuse: When Communication Becomes a Weapon
- 1. Silence Used for Control, Not Peace
- 2. God Communicates, He Does Not Withdraw to Punish
- 3. The Emotional Impact of Being Ignored
- 4. Reflecting on Your Experience
- Conclusion: You Deserve Healthy Communication
- Related Articles
In Part 3, we explored how control is not always obvious, it is often disguised as care, concern, or protection. We reflected on how phrases that sound loving can gradually limit freedom, creating dependence and shrinking one’s world. Through a biblical lens, we saw that true love, as described in Scripture, nurtures growth and freedom, while control produces restriction, fear, and imbalance. This helped us begin discerning the difference between genuine love and behaviour that only appears loving on the surface.
But when control is established, another pattern often follows, one that is even more confusing and emotionally distressing.
As we move into Part 4: The Silent Treatment as Abuse: When Communication Becomes a Weapon, we begin to examine how silence can be used not for peace, but for punishment and control. This part will explore how emotional withdrawal creates confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt, and why silence, when misused, can deeply impact mental and emotional wellbeing.
👉 When words disappear, it doesn’t always mean peace, it can signal control.
👉 The question now is: when does silence stop being healthy and start becoming harmful?
In other articles, I talk about narcissistic abuse and how to heal from it. I refer to narcissistic abuse because when an individual becomes free of that experience, one of the emotions they would come in contact with as they begin healing is a sense of deep betrayal. They may have questions like, ‘was the relationship ever real’, ‘did the accused know all along that he/she was not invested long term in the relationship?’, ‘was I deceived all those years?’. I also share a brief snippet of my own personal story, and some difficult emotions I had to wrestle with on the onset of my healing journey – HERE.
The Silent Treatment as Abuse: When Communication Becomes a Weapon
Silence can be peaceful, but it can also be deeply painful when used as a weapon.
So we must ask: when does silence become harmful?
1. Silence Used for Control, Not Peace
The silent treatment is not about needing space, it is often about punishing, controlling, or avoiding accountability.
It creates emotional uncertainty and fear.
2. God Communicates, He Does Not Withdraw to Punish
Even when correcting us, God speaks clearly and lovingly.
“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace…” – 1 Corinthians 14:33
Silence that produces confusion is not reflective of healthy communication.
3. The Emotional Impact of Being Ignored
Being ignored can feel like rejection. It can trigger anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional distress.
You may begin to question yourself just to restore connection.
4. Reflecting on Your Experience
Ask yourself:
- Do you feel anxious when communication stops?
- Do you blame yourself to “fix” the silence?
- Is silence used repeatedly after conflict?
These are not healthy patterns.
Conclusion: You Deserve Healthy Communication
Healthy relationships pursue resolution, not avoidance.
👉 How has silence affected your emotional wellbeing?
👉 What does healthy communication look like for you?
Next Steps
- Download a copy of “Managing Negative Emotions Guide”
- Join my community to engage in prayers and accountability.
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