Part 7 of 10 part series: Isolation, Control, and the Silent Treatment.
By Susan Adeyemi, Counsellor, & Author
- Emotional Starvation: What Happens When Affection Is Withheld
- 1. Witholding Affection Creates Longing and Insecurity
- 2. It Trains You to Settle for Less
- 3. God’s Love Is Consistent and Life-Giving
- 4. Reflecting on Your Experience
- Conclusion: Relearning What Love Feels Like
- Related Articles
In Part 6, we explored how manipulation operates through subtle mind games that distort reality and create confusion. We saw how words can be twisted, experiences dismissed, and truth reshaped in ways that cause a person to question their own thoughts and perceptions. Over time, this leads to dependency on the abuser’s version of reality rather than confidence in one’s own understanding. Through Scripture, we were reminded that God calls us to clarity and truth, not confusion, and that renewing the mind is essential for restoration.
But manipulation does not only affect how you think—it also impacts how you feel, particularly in the area of love and emotional connection.
As we move into Part 7: Emotional Starvation: What Happens When Affection Is Withheld, we begin to explore the painful effects of withheld love and affection. This part will uncover how emotional deprivation creates longing, insecurity, and unhealthy attachment patterns, often leaving individuals settling for less than they deserve.
👉 When truth is distorted, the heart becomes vulnerable.
👉 The question now is: what happens when love itself begins to feel out of reach?
In other articles, I talk about narcissistic abuse and how to heal from it. I refer to narcissistic abuse because when an individual becomes free of that experience, one of the emotions they would come in contact with as they begin healing is a sense of deep betrayal. They may have questions like, ‘was the relationship ever real’, ‘did the accused know all along that he/she was not invested long term in the relationship?’, ‘was I deceived all those years?’. I also share a brief snippet of my own personal story, and some difficult emotions I had to wrestle with on the onset of my healing journey – HERE.
Emotional Starvation: What Happens When Affection Is Withheld
Affection is not a luxury, it is a human need. When it is withheld intentionally, it creates a deep emotional void.
So we must ask: what happens when love is no longer expressed?
1. Witholding Affection Creates Longing and Insecurity
When warmth, kindness, or affirmation is removed, you may begin to crave even the smallest signs of connection.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” – Proverbs 13:12
The absence of affection can make the heart weary.
2. It Trains You to Settle for Less
Over time, you may begin to accept minimal effort as enough. Small gestures feel significant because of prolonged deprivation.
This is how emotional standards are lowered.
3. God’s Love Is Consistent and Life-Giving
Unlike conditional affection, God’s love is steady and unwavering.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love…” – Jeremiah 31:3
His love does not disappear to control you.
4. Reflecting on Your Experience
Consider this:
- – Do you feel emotionally nourished or depleted?
- – Do you find yourself chasing moments of affection?
- – Has your expectation of love changed over time?
These reflections reveal deeper needs.
Conclusion: Relearning What Love Feels Like
God’s love restores what has been depleted. You deserve affection that is consistent and genuine.
👉 What does healthy, consistent love look like to you?
👉 Are you ready to receive love that doesn’t need to be chased?
Next Steps
- Download a copy of “Managing Negative Emotions Guide”
- Join my community to engage in prayers and accountability.
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