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Healing and Finding Freedom: My Journey from Abuse

by Susan Adeyemi
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RENEW, REBUILD, REDISCOVER

Susan Adeyemi

I was going to title this post, ‘what it feels like when you leave a controlling and abusive person’. The truth is, it feels awful. I’m not going to come on here and pretend like I’m a genie box of knowledge because I’m not. Today, I want to write from my own real, raw and personal experience. One of the reasons I started Bethesda Ark was to give words and meanings to the experience of someone going through an abusive relationship.

Honestly, looking back 10-15 years, if anyone told me this is what was waiting for me in my future, I’d make sure I did not fall into the trap I find myself in today. For starters, I would not have gotten married, and if I did, would not have considered starting a family. In hindsight, I am grateful for how this experience has shaped me to be the person I am today. It’s not been easy. There have been many scars along the way. Raw, painful, and unfiltered. I just don’t want to create another website where people share their stories and I build a brand out of people’s pain and insecurities. That person may very well be someone’s mum, aunty, sister, or grandmother. This person is not just another statistic or number to inflate my followers or sense of self worth, this person is someone who was brave enough to tell their story. They were brave enough to leave it all behind. They were brave enough to let the big house go, the big car go, the safety funds go, because they chose to protect their minds, re-establish safety, and rebuild from the ashes.

I tell you, leaving it behind is never easy. It wasn’t for me. I had to leave behind 7 years of planting, pruning, prayerfully nurturing the seed to grow. It felt like a rude awakening and I thought, ‘it’d be better to stay and reap the harvest’. I didn’t realise the harvest had caught strays. It wasn’t a pure harvest. It came with a lot of pain and sorrow.

Before I left, I wanted to know I gave it the very best shot I could. I mean, what a waste right? Spend all those years building just to throw it all away. The truth about being in an abusive relationship and trying to endure, is that it tries to take you down with it. When there is a lack of self awareness or self reflection, that abusive situation would not get better, but worse over time. I wasn’t right all the time, but I tried, in my own ability, to do things right. The best part about leaving, is finding your voice and freedom again. I found my peace, my voice, my freedom, and sense of self after the first 2 weeks. It didn’t happen automatically, I had to make conscious efforts to heal, reflect, seek forgiveness, and accept my reality. I couldn’t have done it alone. I needed help. I needed people around me that could remind me of who I was. I needed a supportive community and environment to remind me of who Susan was, because believe it or not, I lost my sense of self. I lost the compass to my internal self, and it reflected outward.

Some may say this next step wasn’t necessary, but it was ideal to help me heal. I needed to go no contact so I could regain my sense of direction. That meant blocking some individuals. In my healing journey, it was important I did not engage with the accused or have anything to do with those that were close to him. Not out of spite or malice, neither bitterness nor resentment, but rather to limit the level of triggers it caused me. It was also important for me so I could limit their chance to retaliate or punish me. It was very difficult for me, but it was also very necessary.

Three things I struggled with the most were; 1) his tactic at trying to get me to speak through a second or third party. It was devious because he would normally use voices and people that I loved and respected to do this. The only ones not able to fall for it were people that saw right through his act. 2) another tactic was to create a web of lies and confusion around me. He would lie to A about something I had said and then lie to me about something A had said. Eventually, neither A nor myself would be on speaking terms and so, a seed of confusion and malice wold be left to give birth to more confusion. 3) I experienced what some call, ‘character assassination’. I think this one was very insidious because most of the times, he orchestrated a narrative, painted the canvas, and sent me the bill. All while also making people believe I did something he in-fact designed.

One thing definitely helped me in my healing journey. I refused to play a part in that confusing script anymore. I chose to flip it! I chose to accept my reality of things, events, actions, and behaviours. I chose to accept my interpretation of things and I refused to listen to the lies I had been sold for years. I chose to embrace people that loved and accepted me for who I was. I eventually chose to accept help. I decided to stop isolating myself because when I did that, lies and confusion became my daily bread. I was so full on confusion that I could not recognise the truth any longer. I chose to write my own story! I chose to embrace myself. More importantly, I chose to cultivate those relationships and friendships that had no strings attached to them. These people carried me through the deepest waters. They held my hands when I was walking blind. Some of them, though confused and frustrated as to why I just did not leave, still showed love, mercy, patience, and prayerfully held me in those darkest moments.

Thank you to my LIGHT BRIDGE. You did not let me drown. You did not leave me alone. You fought for my freedom and I know that today, heaven smiles at your generosity. Thank you for creating space in your heart for this once lost girl. Thank you for letting heaven use you to give me hope and remind me of who heaven called me to be.

So if you’re reading this and are also on your healing journey, you have found a community that definitely values healing. Permit me to also hold your hand until you safely cross into your version of reality. I am honestly holding space for you here. Reach out to me using the links below.

Love, Susan.

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Susan is a professional who works in business and organisational restructuring. However, over the past 6 years, she’s felt a heavy ministerial burden to reach the wounded through God’s word. After being in an abusive relationship, she sought the face of the Lord concerning how to repurpose her pain for the benefit of God’s kingdom. She believes she has been called into a unique position to reach out to people, particularly those who find themselves in wrong relationships. She wants you to know that God hears your prayers. He wants to encourage you to not give up or give in. He wants to heal the brokenhearted and restore you to your rightful place. He wants to bind up your wounds and strengthen you in His love and set you free. To keep up, follow my social media pages. Feel free to contact me below and sign up for our weekly letters.

Bethesda Ark

HEAL from Hurt, REDISCOVER True Self, REBUILD with Clarity

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